Discomfort of my wool blanket

I have always referred to the depression and anxiety as a wool blanket. It feels heavy and damp over my brain and I can't always see clearly. Up until Monday things have been actually, scary to say it but really good. I was focused and had happy moments with minimal discomfort, and to go as far as to say Sunday morning over breakfast I professed that I had nothing to be upset about after dropping and overly dramatic client. Monday then came and I felt really good, until there was some chaos and drama dropped on me from a friend. I was trying to take an understanding approach and explain to the other person involved what was happening because I felt offended and hurt, but they refused to listen, it actually came down to its my way or the highway situation, thus no one took into account anyone else's feelings and it was a mess. This triggered some really old feelings from school when I was bullied daily. I spoke with my therapist about it and she agreed that I have still unresolved issues from when I was in my early teens, when most of the damage occurred. She approached me with the idea that perhaps it is time to drudge it up and try to heal that wounded part of me. HOW SCARY! What ifs have been racing through my brain as to who or what I may become if I start removing the final really dark part of myself that I have kept hidden away and protected. All that hurt coming out, who would I become with out it? I think that is the really scary part to be honest. I can deal with grief and pain, but to not have that wool blanket over my head? WHOA......

So I guess that is the next thing. I wrote myself a letter reconstructing my first really painful experience and in caps and lots of F bombs, I proclaimed my awesomeness and how I should not have been treated in such a manner and I have to say it was quite awesome. The core, deep, bleeding, dark self of lonliness and handeling things on my own with no one to turn to part of myself is going to have to be exposed and little by little chipped away if I am ever to become a whole, healthy person. Baby steps right?