Anxiety is a subconscious trigger in which our brain says WHOA fight or flight! Put your dukes up! GAH again? No more!!! Random conversations I have with myself. Then the disconnect, then the tears. Then the depression, I am in a hamster wheel some days. After my second session I felt some relief, some cleansing if you will, but my wound is just open. The more I push myself to stay in this wonderous relationship the more vulnerable I become thus opening the wounds even further and pushing out even more gunk that I have kept in there. My bandaid is off and it is terrifying.
Are love addicts able to reciprocate love as real love or do we ever really get over the addiction. I find myself torn from moment to moment with this huge list of why I love this person to why I should run (which the only reason is my anxiety about loving someone and being vulnerable). Just for one time I would like to talk to someone who has been through this before and know that they came out on the other side a stronger person, still in the relationship they processed in. My hypnotherapist pulled out my inner kid from the closet she was hiding in and cleaned out my emotional septic tank, I hope my subconscious can process all that. I am curious to see how the next couple of days go since I am doing my first drive out of town to see one of my best friends. A much needed venture, out on the open road, all by my lonesome.
Anxiety is a chemical we release when we feel threatened, addictions of all kinds stem from a lack there of internally. We spend our days and nights high, avoiding pain and darkness, and once we start to see the light, the anxiety sets in to kick us back down. It lies to us, tries to convince us to be afraid, and that we are not worthy or lovable. But it also brings us back to reality, that there are issues that need to be addressed. Tonite wasn't so bad when he came home, I was relieved he was here, and felt a warmth when he hugged me, gives me some hope that I can over come this beast of burden.
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