Uncanny Happenings

I finally made it. The drive to Seattle that I have been putting off for 4 years, yes 4 years. I have had this fear of doing it alone since my anxiety really reared up, but I finally made it. The journey there was quick and painless, coming back was a little harder. I rather enjoyed my time and I wished I would have had another day with my friend. Funny enough though, while I was there we ended up going out to eat, we were going to go to one spot, but changed our minds and went to another. I chose to sit in the bar as opposed to waiting for a table, and low and behold about 10 min after I sat down, one of the leaders of the pack of wolves that used to pick on me in school walked in and was seated directly behind me....what are the chances....I chose to ignore her as I left, although she did see the shit eating grin on my girlfriends face as she put her arm around my waist smiling and we casually strolled out. I felt the shock and what the...is that...moment exude from my old nemis's bloated, unhappy face, and for a moment I felt safe reeling in the fact that I was just that, safe. One of my best friends held my hand as we walked out and that bully of a beast could no longer harm me. I thought what lesson was that about? But it was brought to my attention that perhaps that wasn't about me, maybe it was for her to see me....who knows, but the universe delivers us what we need when we need it. This weekend was a focus for letting go and healing some old strings I still had bound to me. Releasing an oath that I made to someone that did not deserve my love or time, giving me a chance to loose the longing feeling and maybe just be in peace for once. My Saturday was filled with cartoons, chocolate, and reveling in the fact that my intuition is much stronger than I had given it credit for.

So my point is, we all need support, we all need people to love and care for us, especially if we are children of abandonment. We need to know someone will be there to pick us up AT TIMES, when we are to weak or lost to find our way. My girlfriend came along right as this journey started for me, she has been there every step, unyielding and loving me unconditionally and I am so thankful for her and my non blood sister for their compassion. Anxiety can wreak havoc on us, and we feel the need to hide and do what it wants us to do, because we are safer in our bubble no? I am discovering through the hypnotherapy and my own self love that a warmth is growing inside me. A deeper love, that cannot be stopped and I am happy to let it swallow me whole. It is an amazing, calm, and spiritual place that I would love to reside on a daily basis, so I could in return give it to others regularly. I will keep working towards it and loving me. The paintings and hugs and I missed you Jen from an 8 year old that isn't yours, but could be and probably was in a past life remind me that I need to be in the moment, and that it isn't as scary as my anxiety would like to convince me it is. I am on the right path, and I will stay here, pain or no pain, I am finally starting to feel like I belong somewhere.