Deep relaxation

What is that exactly, deep relaxation. Not quite anxietys friend huh? Brace yourself because if we can control anything that MIGHT possibly happen ever in the future then we will be just fine, that is if you can control every aspect of every person, place, and thing you encounter....Welcome to my world. Now I understand there are SOME things you can control, but in reality 90% you cannot control anything. Trying to convince my inner kid who is gripping my leg so tightly is another matter. She believes her world is going to fall apart at any minute so A: Why stick around anywhere or anyone for long B: if she can control the weather, things might be ok. Why do I argue with a 5 year old? Well, habit for one, and 2 I try to do internal monologueing to let her know I haven't forgotten about her like I did all those years prior.

Our anxiety can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. I can open new worlds to us or make us want to dig a hole as deep as the middle of earth and live in the dark so we can never be hurt or seen by human eyes and hearts. Anxiety lies and asks us to stay in or plainly, to not live, not love, and be alert all the time!! Thanks Adrenal glands, I think mine need a vacation, seriously. Eventually you either get enveloped by the fear or your push against it and say F U anxiety, I wont do what you tell me (which is what I do 99% of the time). Mind you not with total enthusiasm always, BUT I try my hardest. I dreampt about my x husband, his mother, gma (both total angry, hateful women) a friend that abandoned me, and I feel I may have got some closure in the fact that I could tell my X husband that I hoped he was happy and now has a second chance at healing his old hurts. I woke up not upset, just neutral, but feeling as if I had accomplished something, dreams are the subconsious's way of saying good-bye or getting closure on things we cannot get it otherwise.

I had a consulatation with a hypnotherapist today. I will be having my first session tomorrow, I am quite excited. The guy is quite brilliant but filled with manly, earthy tones, and crazy good energy. Someone who has been a "mind mechanic" as he called himself for 40 years. And even though my inner kid wanted to scream and kick, and say well we need to cover this or that my adult self stepped in and just said, lets just see what happens. No expectations, just a curious journey for us :)