The Hollywood Lie

There is no running down the track crying, there is no "You complete me", there are no princes on white horses or princesses that do your bidding, there are however evil queens and evil step parents :).

My point is, the lie that is told about love is deep rooted in every little girl, and some little boys. There is an idea that love is this thing that we just KNOW and feel and jump for every single time. But that is not correct. Love is an action, and a feeling, but more of an action. We make the choice to be loving, we make the choice to live everyday, day in and day out with the same person over and over again. Love addicts such as myself will and do struggle with this idea because we are convinced from the start we are not good enough, and not valued as people. We never became a whole person growing up so we attach ourselves to someone else that "completes us." There is this stigma that we cannot have doubts or be unsure or question or it means the relationship is over and from what I have been told that is very normal. For me it is really painful sometimes. I don't cope well under a lot of stress and small things that would normally be let go easily by some, I hold onto as if they are keeping me afloat.

Since I moved 33 times in my life I am now 35, it is very hard to stay in one place. Holding down a house, a business, and school is hard sometimes, especially when stress hits, I want to hit the pavement, get in my car, and get the F out of dodge. There is this emptiness that follows me daily, a dark spot that was never filled or cared for a child and its almost like a small kid following me around tugging at my sleeve reminding me. The drug, love addiction and my abandonment behavior I am very aware of now, I just need to find a way to sit still for a while without the drugs to cope and figure out how to love myself so I can be a better partner and friend to everyone in my life. This journey is long and the 20 years of suppressed depression and anxiety are hitting home, but I will continue on to find the peace I am searching for.

The stigma that we are supposed to just "know" that our mate is it, and that we are supposed to just want to rip their clothes off and if that those things are gone that the relationship is over, is FALSE. If we gave up on everything that lost its luster we would be without a great and many things. Part of loving someone is committing to that person, thus committing to your own self by accepting stability and love in your life. Our main priority is us, but when you really love someone, you want them to be happy no matter what, even if you have to sacrifice to provide that for them, that is loving unconditionally. Once you have been held with love you will know it when it happens, and you cannot replace that with any drug or thing. We have to fill ourselves up, so we can give unconditionally to others. Saying I love you to hear it back is not love, doing things in order to receive them back is not love, it is insecurity. The lie is very real, and too many relationships are failing because of it.